Afraid

I wonder why I’m so afraid of trusting? Is it God’s fault for making me this way? Is it something I did? Is it something I didn’t (or don’t) do?

I’ve read the Bible admonishments to “trust in the Lord.”

But how do I do that? And why am I afraid to do that?

It isn’t as if the Lord God Almighty, creator of the heavens and the earth, hasn’t done anything to earn my trust. (And I’m sure He’s greatly relieved to hear that He has earned my trust! By the way, that’s a little sarcasm on my part. Thank you to Susan Isaacs who taught me that “sarcasm is a viable form of communication".”)

Yes, God has earned my trust. He’s given me a wonderful wife of 19 years, three wonderful sons, a brother, mother, father, grandparents, friends. He’s gifted me to be a teacher and preacher – which I’ve been able to make a decent living with for 15 years. He gave me coffee and a sunrise most mornings that touches my heart in unspeakable (unwritable?) ways.

So why don’t I trust Him in all things?

I mean, I know I’m saved and my sins are forgiven by the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. I know I’ll spend eternity in the presence of Jesus and in heaven and all that. That isn’t my problem.

My problem is now. What about now? How can I trust God to get me through this month?

Someone will tell me to “just do it.” Heck, I’ve been that someone to other people. You can slap me now.

But, in my defense, there is some truth in that. We just have to do it. I just have to trust that God will provide, will take care of me. I mean, what alternative do I have, really?

I just wish, sometimes, that He would hurry up.

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